It was not ever so. AT the beginning of life, both sexes respond equally to erotic stimulation: It feels good to touch your genitals. AT two or three, the little boy approaches the little girl (or vice verse). Hey, there is something about her/his body that’s different from mine! The hand goes out. There is no guilt, only attraction and curiosity.

Notice how many men in this book trace their first sexual fantasy/sensation/experiment/experience back to that magic age of four or five. these are oedipal years when sex is burgeoning. How mother reacts to our doctor games, how she answers our questions, becomes prime data for constructing our lifelong ideas about sex. Nowadays, she knows not to overreact, and tries to make her answers warm and comforting, but we hear something missing in her voice. Her gesture, body language, facial expressions all the signs we’ve learned are more important than what says. declare what mother really thinks: Sex is anxious, guilty business. When she took our hands away from our genitals when we were infants, our guilt was not conscious, Now it is.